Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
