I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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