is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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