More tranny stories later!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
