I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
