talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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