He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
