franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
