community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
