i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Still dying that you shit outside
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
