I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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