i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
