I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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