i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
