You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize