I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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