Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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