i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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