Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
