that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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