whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
