my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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