If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
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just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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