Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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