I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
