my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
