this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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