Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
