The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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