goodnight i made you a song goodbye
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
