so that wasnt chicken after all
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
