Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
