You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
