sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dicks are not precious.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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