my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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