i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
