My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
