How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Barsexuality is the new black.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
