Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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