my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
