is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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