i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
