come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize