who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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