Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
