While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
