covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
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