literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize