Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
