I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
