1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize