you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think my moral compass just broke
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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