we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
