I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize