She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.