Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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