I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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