you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
