his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
