It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
