Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize