The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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